During breakups, the most common tagline that people say to each other is Let’s stay friends. Saying goodbye to an ex is sometimes extremely hard. It's not just about giving up the usual pizza or dining together but you cannot even hangout ever. Due to this many people have liked the idea of being just friends after the breakup. However, given the history of two people together, “being just friends” is a tricky domain. Here are some key points which will guide you on how to be friends with your ex.
There should be a cool down period when you both should not contact each other. This will ensure that your feelings towards your ex have become stagnant. You should not feel excited or hurt when the name of your ex is mentioned. This time period depends on the individuals but as a key rule, at least 3-month separation is minimum. During this time, completely disengage with your ex both online and in real terms. Focus on other activities like a job, shopping, social activities etc. to keep yourself busy. Doing this will dissolve the ill feelings towards your ex and you will remain saturated even when he or she is present.
If you are really interested in being friends with your ex, think deeply. Question yourself if you want to get back together or want to involve romantically or want a platonic relationship. It might be possible that you have been engaged romantically with your ex, hence feelings will surge once you start seeing him or her again. Clarifying things in your mind will actually help you to decide if the friendship with your ex is a good idea or not?
Once you have spent sufficient time apart and have clarified things in your mind, reach out to him or her through text, Facebook etc. Instead of directly stating that you want to be friends, start the conversation by stating that you saw something and it reminded you of him or her. If your ex replies within a reasonable amount of time, it means that he or she is also interested. Thereafter, ask your ex directly if he or she wants to remain friends or not. However, it’s very important that to clear things up so that no previous conflicts destroy the present. Do not rush into anything and if your ex says that he is she is not ready for a friendly relationship, do not compel for anything. Take a step back and try to forget everything.
Once you both have agreed to keep a friendly relationship, make sure that you meet your ex in broad daylight only. Even if you plan for some late-night activities, make sure that it is in public. Lay some ground rules when you meet your ex and do not try to over cross them under any condition. Avoid going to places that you both had cherished when you were together in a relationship. This can make you emotionally weak. Once you have laid down your boundaries with your ex, both of you will enjoy the new friendly relationship.
This is an important suggestion to follow if you really want to learn how to be friends with your ex. Once you have started a new relationship with your ex, it's very easy to fall back into the old pattern. Remember that now you are friends only, so, do not keep patterns like calling or texting daily, dinning every weekend together etc. You have a separate life and focus on other things. Your ex is just a friend like every other friend. Give him or her the same importance as you give to your other friends. It may be difficult in the beginning but it will clear the doubt of ever getting back together in anyone’s mind.
Its indeed a tough job to treat someone as a friend when you have been involved romantically in the past. Do not bring the past arguments into your new relationship. Avoid flirting and dressing provocatively in front of your ex. Try to be modest and a true friend who support each other in ups and downs. During your talks, avoid discussing the past esp. the reasons which lead to separation. Remember that past is past and it was no one’s fault if you two are not together. If your ex starts repenting, it’s a red flag which means that he or she wants to get back together as in the earlier times. If you do not want to fall back into the same relationship, tell him or her immediately and avoid any type of contact until your ex has settled emotionally.
If your ex tells you about his or her new relationship with someone, be happy and openly support the new relationship. Do not be bossy as your ex is your friend and it’s none of your business to interfere in his or her personal affairs. Even if you meet your ex’s new companion, do not involve or compare your previous relationship to the present. Try to support your ex to move ahead in the new relationship. If your ex and yourself are still happy, it’s a clear sign that you have learned how to be friends with your ex.
Above tips will surely guide you on how to be friends with your ex. But always remember that its hard to watch your ex to be involved romantically with someone in front of your eyes esp. if you still have feelings for him or her. It's best to avoid any type of relationship until you are clear about your feeling for your ex.